May is a busy month for our family.
There’s Mother’s Day, which in an ideal world, I wouldn’t have anything to plan for, but I still have to at least stay on top of the plans being made, as well as getting something for my own Mom and Grandma.
Our wedding anniversary is right in the middle of the month, which means
- debating whether I should get my husband a gift
- deciding that anniversaries aren’t a “gift giving occasion”
- receiving a gift from my husband early because he’s always too impatient to wait for the day to come
- realizing of course he was going to get me something and I should have planned for him and gotten him something too
- Buying something last minute that gets delivered late
- He loves it, and me, anyway
And finally, my husband’s birthday is near the end of May as well.
Gino is really laid back about holidays. He’s happy to just go along with whatever plans are made around him, and though he is a generous gift-giver, he’s never offended by the quantity or quality of the gifts he receives himself.
I love him.
I’m very different.
I obsess over the plans we make for holidays. I stress over invitations that conflict with or override our own. I take it as a personal sleight if someone tries to contribute to a celebration I’ve planned.
Oh, and this year, I almost forgot to get my husband a birthday gift.
I had dinner all planned out. We were getting takeout from a local place Gino had been wanting to try. I ordered and paid in advance. It was all good to go.
I forgot to schedule gift-buying into the equation. Maybe it was a failure in my planning system. Or maybe it was a failure of me trusting it too much.
(In the end, the gift I bought him did end up arriving in time, and he loved it.)
I always considered “pregnancy brain” to be a cop-out.
But lately, as I’m crossing into my third trimester, I’m finding that my ability to focus, my energy levels, my emotional stability, they’re all fluctuating wildly day to day, and I’m left out here floating in a sea of hormones just clinging on for dear life and trying to keep my daughter from coloring on the walls.
I think if “pregnancy brain” (or whatever it is I’m experiencing lately) were like the first-trimester fog I’ve suffered through with both my pregnancies, then at least I would be able to predict what I could get done the next day. As it is right now…
Last Monday through Thursday – Living the dream! Got a big organization project done. I’m ahead of things at work. I’m killing it.
Friday – I naively wrote “Make it a great day!” at the top of my daily, fully expecting to. I checked off two things. Gino offered to cook dinner.
Saturday – I wasn’t sure about my morning, but nap time was an excellent and productive few hours, followed by bursts of brain power through the afternoon that netted me concrete plans and a vision of my daughter’s upcoming birthday celebrations
Sunday – All-out sobbing in the bedroom over practically nothing
Monday – Can’t focus on either work stuff or personal stuff. Can barely remember what day it is.
Obviously I’m viewing this as a problem, but when I look to myself for solutions, the best thing I can come up with is just acceptance and forgiveness. This is where I am right now, and I can hope for more energy tomorrow, but I’m going to have to be okay if that doesn’t happen for me.
