It’s the Year of Our Lord 2020, and I am pregnant.
In case, you’re out of the loop, Lent just started a week ago on Ash Wednesday. Lent is a period of fasting and prayer in the Catholic Church, in preparation for Holy Week and Easter.
There aren’t a lot of strict rules of conduct in the Catholic Church, but one of the few is that we’re asked to abstain from meat on Ash Wednesday and Fridays in Lent, and also fast on Ash Wednsday and Good Friday.
And even that isn’t a huge ask. Technically, fasting counts as:
“When fasting, a person is permitted to eat one full meal, as well as two smaller meals that together are not equal to a full meal.
USCCB
I’m always up to a challenge, so when I read those guidelines, I just think,
I feel like my hunger tolerance is pretty good, so my typical fasting rules have been (for myself)
- One meal only (dinner)
- No snacks
- Nothing but water to drink
And this, in itself, was fine. I think. You’re absolutely allowed (maybe even encouraged) to fast “more” than the bare minimum requirements.
But I have this nasty habit of making a point of pride out of it. And pride is one of my worst vices. So maybe pride is really what I should be fasting from?
Anyway, two years ago, Ash Wednesday is approaching, and I realize that my standard policy is not going to work for me. Because I’m pregnant.
The Church, loving mother that she is, has already thought of people like me, and has made explicit allowances:
Those that are excused from fast and abstinence outside the age limits include … pregnant or nursing women. In all cases, common sense should prevail, and ill persons should not further jeopardize their health by fasting.
USCCB
BUT! My instinct is still to try to fast anyway. Okay, sure, I’ll eat three meals, but they’ll be small. They’ll be boring. They’ll be unsatisfying, or something I don’t like. I’ll make myself miserable in any way I can!
The Church doesn’t require this of me though!
In fact, it’s telling me not to fast for the benefit of my health as well as that of my children. So I should probably listen.
Also, as I mentioned earlier, I might only be doing this to myself out of some misplaced sense of pride. So I should probably pay attention to that.
So how did I do this Ash Wednesday?
On one hand…
- I didn’t fast. I didn’t let myself go hungry.
- I attempted to “offer up” the discomfort I felt with this fact as a Lenten “sacrifice”
On the other…
- I still felt weird and guilty about eating.
- I ate mostly peanut butter sandwiches, which aren’t unhealthy, but I think I could have made healthier choices with a more varied menu.
There’s still one more opportunity for me to offer up my lack of fasting this Lent. And I’ve still got 6 weeks before Good Friday to figure out exactly how I’m going to tackle this conundrum again. (Last year I did it with granola bars. This year I’d like to choose something healthier.)
How about you, mamas? Do you relate to my complex feelings about fasting? If so, how do you tackle them?
