Babies bring people together.
Whether it’s your co-worker you had drinks with that one time, or your own daughter, when someone else has a baby, it’s a beautiful experience that seems to bring you all closer together, isn’t it? Because the experience of having a child is something pretty universal, most people assume that they have something useful to add to the conversation. What you might not realize is, *you are not the only one to think that* (and it’s probably not true).
New parents are bombarded with the same questions and advice every single day
It can be exhausting having to politely deflect well-meaning busybodies all the time, so I’m here, on behalf of the new parents in your life, to tell you one question that it’s ok to ask.
But first, I must remind you of a few topics you probably shouldn’t bring up (unless you’re their doctor)
Outdated Safety Practices
Advice for children is changing every year, and it’s too much for anyone who’s not currently in the thick of it to stay conversant on. Rest assured that new parents get lots of scientifically-backed advice from their doctors and birth educators. Just because your kids turned out okay doesn’t mean that your choices then are right for these parents now.
Also remember, another parent’s choices for their child are never a judgment of your choices. We all know that car seats were different 50 years ago, and Rock N Plays were recommended by doctors just last year.
"Is he a good baby?"
What does this mean? People always ask this question, but there’s no such thing as a bad baby. If you mean to ask something specific, then ask that question instead. Otherwise, pick something less cliche and confusing.
"Sleep when the baby sleeps!"
I did a whole video about this one:
"Just Wait..."
If you’re here to tell exhausted parents in the thick of it that life is going to get even worse, you can turn right around and take that noise elsewhere. You’re not being helpful.
Comments about Her Weight
Just stop. You’re being rude.
So what can I say?
“If I’m not giving advice, what am I supposed to say to new parents?” well lucky for you, this is not about you, so you’re not the one who has to come up with the conversation anyway (it’s that nice?) In fact, let me let you in on a little secret: there is one topic that all new parents absolutely love to talk about. Try this, next time you’re meeting a new baby:
"What has baby been learning lately?"
Just watch, you’ll get so much fascinating discussion and fun out of this simple question. And the beauty is, you can use it over and over until the child is old enough to be asked the question directly.
Ask the parents of a newborn and the answer might be, “She’s been looking around at the lights, and opening and closing her hands”
Ask parents about their one-year-old and the answer could be, “He’s gotten so good at walking lately, and just yesterday, he said ‘truck’!”
At two it might be, “She tucks her dolly into bed every night, it’s so cute!”
Kids grow and develop so fast, and we don’t always get a chance to share those little milestones. My little 16-month-old has been putting two words together for the first time in the last week or two!
I don’t see this advice around very often so I’m sharing it here and hoping it catches on. New parenthood is a wild ride, and unwanted comments from those around us can make it seem even more daunting. Let’s all strive to be a positive presence in the lives of the new moms and dads around us.
Comment and tell me
1. The worst thing someone has said to you as a new parent
2. What has your child been learning lately?
